Who hasn't heard horror stories about roommates gone bad? I thought for sure, these things wouldn't happen to me. As a 27 year old, the only roommates I've had were my freshman year dorm-mate in college, an ex-boyfriend and my husband. Oh, and the guy I rented a room from for the first 3 months I lived in San Diego. Though the girl from the dorm's was cliquish, she was smart and harmless. My ex was a mess, but that's another story for another day. The dude I rented from, well he turned out to be a Secret Service Agent who did undercover work in Thailand. As soon as I learned of his work, I high tailed it out of there. He was a perfectly nice guy, who made a huge effort in socializing me in a new city, but to tell you the truth, I was quite scared for my safety. What if his cover had been blown? As for my husband, well I wouldn't have married him after cohabiting for two years if I felt we couldn't share a life (or space) together. These experiences, for the most part have been positive. Until now.
When we moved into the condo last summer, we knew the rent was going to be more than we had originally planned on spending. That coupled with a student loan lingering over my head, we began talking about getting a roommate two or three months in. We tossed the idea around, discussing the pros and cons. My husband's biggest issue was giving up our privacy. I, on the other hand, only saw dollar signs. I felt we really needed help relieving my financial burden. Our discussions never went much further than that. It was all just a lot of talk. Until one day in October last year, a kid who my husband works with, we'll call him Nick, and had gotten to know by giving him rides home from work, informed us that the girl he had been sharing an apartment with screwed up out of a place to live. My 'mommy radar' immediately clicked on and wanted to help this Nick guy out. We had a spare bedroom and he needed a place to live.
I didn't know him all that well, but from the few times we had hung out, I never got any red flag readings from him. He was always curious about my lifestyle choices and was always eager to learn something new about nutrition and cooking. I found out in the weeks that followed he was just beginning treatment for a DUI and having a place to call home was imperative in his successful completion. I have this uncanny knack to find people who need fixing or to be helped. This is something I can totally blame on my mother for. She always provided the safe haven for people in need when my sister and I were both teenagers. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely believe this is a positive quality in a person. It's called empathy.
I know, I know. The DUI should have been the biggest red flag of them all, but we were coming up on the holidays and I knew we could help this kid. I thought for sure, if he lived in a positive environment among responsible people, the light would turn on for him. He moved in the first week of November. All was well that first week. He drank some beers but I didn't notice his drinking problem until the second week rolled around. One night he got so intoxicated. he rambled on for 3 plus hours about how amazing his genes were and how he was smarter than all the other employees at my husband's company. It has been down hill from there.
He did eventually quit drinking after he failed two urine analysis in a row, but I had lost any respect I had for the guy. I started picking up on strange nuances he had. On more than one occasion I've caught him staring at himself in the mirror for 10-15 minutes at a time. He pulled a no call-no show once because he decided to stay up all night drinking and was to hung over to go into work. Prior to that he had called in fake sick a few times. He dated another coworker of my husband's, but told her she wasn't pretty enough to be his girlfriend but it was okay, because he still wanted someone to booty call. I could go on and on about how irresponsible and arrogant Nick is, but I'd be here all night.
The bottom line is that the kid has no boundaries. He started drinking again in the past month because his case got thrown back into court after he couldn't afford to pay his treatment fees when he spent all his money on Christmas shopping. Last weekend, Anthony and I came home from a Trailblazers game to find Nick drinking vodka shots after my husband explicitly told him we didn't want him drinking in our home. When this kid is drunk he sounds like a broken record, constantly restarting a conversation every five minutes. My husband ran to the store, leaving me with Sir Drinks A Lot, who followed me around the condo blabbing on and on about nothing important. I went into my room, shut the door, and called Anthony because Nick had made me feel uncomfortable. About 90 seconds later Nick knocks on the bedroom door and starts to let himself in before I can say anything. Who does that? Seriously, what if I had been changing my clothes?
1 comment:
The idea for a roomie may be me and kids, when it comes down to it. Still undecided on that, but I have a feeling going to be the only option. We'll discuss more when I get there. Of course, finding out that my new store is in the process of becoming a "project 1" or flagship store, the possibility of me in a ft/benefits position has real possibility. Keeping my fingers crossed.
That means that as roommate can afford to help you more :-)
I would say otherwise, come up with an application and methods of doing background check, including references that won't stick up for them if they are trouble.(i.e. no mom, dad etc.)
And I know we love a good "project" and it's hard not to take them under your wing...just choose carefully. I would ask the major question of "How much do you drink, smoke etc?" as an app question.
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